You are NOT being whiny! This is a serious form of abuse to both you and your children. It is not appropriate for him to walk in on your DD either, it affords her no privacy while changing clothes, etc. I have a DD of the same age and her father would never do that.
I am so sorry. I encourage you to call the NATIONAL DV hotline. I have heard others say they are much more efficient. Also, how did he say he did not receive papers? Here you have papers served and you have to sign for them.
I would put my foot down with your L also. If he is going to give his co council any of the work on your case, you deserve that person to be efficient. If not, I would not allow it. You hired the attorney, not he or she's assistant.
Stay the course. Be careful, he sounds like a nut.