mallowcup

I prayed and prayed for something to change in my first marriage. I KNEW God would somehow save my mind and my marriage. My husband was not just an alcoholic, he smoked pot and developed a coke habit. We had two of the most presious boys. I go the whole array of advice. Hang in there. Pray. You made your bed..... God will change him. In the meantime I was getting beaten to smithereens. Broken ribs, popped ear drum, nooooooooooo sex etc. The only thing more beaten than my body was my spirit. I had no friends anymore, he chased them all off, With only him telling me who I was, I believed him. He handed me a loaded gun and told me to just shoot myself. I actually considered it. It was so much worse than I will tell now. I swear I had a lightbulb moment. An answer to prayer I'm sure of it, it was TOOOOOOO clear. I had this thought as if it was the clearest I had ever had........"You have prayed for God to answer you, he has over and over and over. This is not where He wants you to be. God created marriage and it is a public statement that a couple makes to show they honor this holy institution and agree to live by its vows. He said, think of what you said when you took your vows. Now, think of the promises made to your ear and your ear and your God. Those vows have been broken so your marriage honors nothing, it is in fact a mockery. This does not please God. God does not join every man and woman therefore He will not bless every union. Some are situations we chose not God. God has nothing to do with it until it falls apart, then God gets invited in. God had been telling me to run, get out, He would not have me hurt, a woman who's husband drinks to excess and eats his wife down mentally and physically is no evidence of a loving God. Run!Run! Run! It hit me right between the eyes..........."You are exactly ONE decision from having a whole new life." I realize that we are all exactly one decision away from a new life. I truely believe a loving spouse is an opportunity for a drinker and what they do with that opportunity is up to them. We anticipate how hard it will be. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!Don't you believe it. No money? So what, you already know how to live without money, go get food stamps. So what. You have no idea, no idea!!!!!!!! I walked out of that house with a five year old and a six month old. NOT ONE DIME IN MY POCKET. It was live or die time. I called a cop, he took us to a shelter where they helped me get an order of protection served and he was removed from the house. They called and said he had been removed, done while we were gone. We stayed in the shelter for three days. We returned home the day before Thanksgiving. We played games, watched our shows on TV, cuddled on the couch. We hadn't lived in our house ever, we walked on eggshells. The peace an freedom were enough. Just a month prior it was impossible. I saw friends. We went to the park. We had fun without alot of money. This is when Gods plan kicked in with the impossible. They had all kinds of programs and services I applied for. In high school the told me I wasn't bright enough to go to LPN school so I didn't try. They put me in a program to be an LPN in 10 months. Impossible dream. The classes were an hour away and my car was a tin can. The night before I was supposed to start the school called me and said the classes had been canceled. There wasnt enough enrolled. I got call right after that saying they had enrolled me into an RN program at a colege 20 minutes away. No I was really nervous. I couldn't be an RN!!!!!!!!!! I went on welfare, went to college for three years and now I am the Charge RN at the largest Peidatric Unit in the area. Impossible but it's true. I look back and it couldn't have happened but it did. Gods plan is not to live in anything less than the best He can give you. Don't live this way. Make that one decison, it's the only thing between you and being happy. God is hearing you and He is answering you! Run!