I have wished for a long time that my X would unravel harder and faster, because it would be easier for me to prove to the courts and other people that he truly has a problem. He ended the relationship with me when our son was 14 months old, saying that being in relationships is why he drinks. Then he just kept drinking. He has all these enablers who just think he's valid in saying that he's having a mid-life crisis. Well, yeah. He's a little young for mid-life maybe at 36-37, but he sure it's having a crisis! Getting arrested while blacked out doesn't happen to functional people, IMO, but a lot of people buy his BS stories. He's been able to keep that job with the city and post pictures on fb of him taking the kid around and having fun. Pretty easy to appear like Father of the Year when you only spend 8-10 hours each week with the kid.
I think it's pretty dysfunctional for my X to be told he needs to go to treatment and prove sobriety to have unsupervised visits, but to not take the steps. It took him 8 months after I said "supervised visits only" for him to go to treatment. Meanwhile, I'm turning stuff in for the court process and he's just ignoring it. Most people on "his side" don't know this, so he still looks quite functional and he can manipulate people into thinking I'm the crazy X who's just trying to punish him. It's not my place to try to convince them otherwise either.
I know that this is not what I need to focus on though (what he's up to). I only need to know enough to know whether DS is safe or not. What other people think of me is none of my business. That is a very difficult belief for me to change, but I'm doing it. I know I'm doing the right thing for me and DS.