All the things he said, all the things he did to show how much he loved me, was it all a lie?
He's sick, honey. He might have meant all of it, or it might have been the sickness. Alcoholism is a terrible disease, and it's difficult for friends and family to suss out what's real and what was manipulation. Either way, you'll never know.
That's the only closure I ever got. The acceptance that it was sad, and also that it was over.
How I let go is to plan each day, each hour, each minute with something else
and "reprogram" my free time with things I like, are good for me, are absorbing.
Everytime I catch myself thinking of the person, I make a conscious choice to refocus on
what I'm doing, or something happy from the past not related to the person.
^^^ This.
Meditation became very important for me at this time. I had a counselor to teach me how to do it (because I thought it was stupid and I HATED it), and I meditated on acceptance and forgiveness a lot. It was as much about accepting myself and my past and present and forgiving myself for being here, as it was anything about him. One day it clicked and it worked.
So when I get overwhelmed with grief or anxiety -- or when I feel myself getting there -- I have this new tool to self-soothe and redirect my feelings. This and the forgiveness helped me find closure.
I also exercise a lot. I discovered biking a couple of years ago and try to go every day. I'm not even an athlete -- I'm an overweight smoker who really loves to indulge. I don't care, I love it. But this gets my blood pumping, gives me new things to be excited about, helps me meet new people, and gets me outdoors and out of my head. I highly recommend finding an activity you can do outside every day that is strenuous on the body.