SV, I hope you realize that you aren't at fault for anything your mother does or feels. The guilt trips are just manipulation to keep you on the crazy train. We care about you. We've all got at least one A parent with one codie parent, or two A parents for the super unfortunate lot. Please don't beat yourself up over any of this. Being an ACoA basically make a you "Damned if you do, Damned if you don't." It doesn't matter what you do, it'll always be the wrong thing. Your AM could trip over a rock and it would be your fault somehow. See how ridiculous this is? It's not you! You are important. You matter.