Hello and welcome.
I went through that cycle hundreds of times. Dumping out the booze, solemn oaths and vicious hangovers. Never stopped me. After the third day, I was feeling better, could function again and 'Hey' I can drink!
No, we can't change the past. But we can change the future. One day at a time.
It's been three and a half years sober for this falling down drunk. So it can be done.
Have you considered AA, or another support group? They can be invaluable.
Remember how you feel now the next time you want to drink. That works great for me, along with coming here and reading stories like yours. I know I'm one drink away from a drunk, but I don't have it in me. Alcohol beat me. It won. I gave up. You can too.
Best to you.