When my wife and I entered recovery both of us tended to pay a lot of attention to each others inventory. She even marked up one of my alanon books w/ sticky markers on the things she felt I should pay close attention to. I made lists of topics she might find "productive" in her meetings. We both learned that was too far and we had to concentrate on ourselves. Now we generally appraise one another about things we learned, interesting discussions etc, for my part it seems like we're both re-learning how to be two married people instead of the angry mess we were before. We haven't had a big challenge to our respective recoveries yet...