Originally Posted by
Synfull Vyxun 
As for my mother, I only contacted her as if I didn't my father would have been on my back about it, and didn't need that on my birthday, I have told her I do not want to have her on facebook and I will send her stuff in the mail and she can do the same, then we can't get into arguments. I didn't contact her for over a year until she text my dad asking when I was going to stop punishing her and breaking her heart...
It sounds like you have a clear understanding of what's going on. NC with the maternal 'rent, but paternal one refuses to go along... so he is allowed to continue twisting the knife on her behalf. He can't do it, though, if... you don't let him.
My cousins (mostly) all think my parents were the bee's knees. Well, they were not. And I am not interested in hearing about how my parents were the bee's knees. So I do not talk to (mostly-all of) my cousins. I do not take their calls. I do not send them Christmas cards. I do not visit them. They are not permitted to visit me (should they want to, which they probably don't anyway, but who knows). And -- when a funeral must be attended, as was the case a few weeks ago -- I get there late, put in the minimum amount of time required to have my presence duly noted, pay my respects, and depart without saying much.
It's pretty clear, from what you're saying, that Dad can't/won't stop being the conduit for Mom's manipulation. It's not for me to give advice, but if he's going to keep doing that, well.... Time for some self-care.
T