I think I would have similar feelings if I got a chance to catch up with an old friend after several months.. correct me if Im wrong, but it doesn’t sound like she allowed you to explain your feelings, or the situation with your BF in detail…it doesn’t sound like there wasnt much listening, sharing, discussion. It was more like she heard drugs, relapse, meetings and immediately started expressing her feeling on addicts which of course were influenced by her own negative experiences.
Her experience is her own and she has every right to her opinion, and Im sure she shared with genuine concern for your welfare, but I would have walked away feeling disappointed in the overall interaction.
Was she harsh in her comments? Based on her experiences maybe not. As you said there are many horrible stories about addiction, and tragic loss of life caused by addiction. She experienced separation from her father due to addiction and probably grew up with certain beliefs.
However there are also MANY people … who recover and go on to lead normal, healthy, happy, responsible productive lives. The vast majority of people are said to recover from addiction on their own without any assistance....In my husbands case he stopped using drugs just over 2 years ago and hasn’t looked back. He continues to see an addiction doctor monthly for therapy, but otherwise his life is basically back to pre-addiction levels. He will always be susceptible to relapse but that doesn’t mean it will ever become a pattern of behavior.
But in the beginning especially.. we just don't know how it will go.
Im not encouraging you to stay in the relationship, or making light of active addiction because it almost destroyed my marriage and left my son without a father. But at the same time, I believe in recovery.
I think the best suggestion I can make is to continue educating yourself on addiction from all perspectives, and take things slow. It sounds like you have good boundaries and a pretty full life of your own to keep you grounded.
When my husband was in rehab I started working with a therapist. Much of what I was taught during this time about addiction, relapse, recovery can be found by reading over at National Institute of Drug Abuse. They have a section for family and friends and various free publications. The following link leads to info on recovery and relapse. It might be helpful for you:
Treatment and Recovery | National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA)