I acknowledge I have a control problem, and I will binge uncontrollably.
CE,
yes, the very idea of a binge is counter to control. no such thing as a controlled binge.
and yes, for years i thought i had a control problem, too, in the way that i somehow almost always drank more than i'd intended to, and drank again repeatedly when i'd decided not to.
still, i kept trying to control, believing that control was possible for me.
it was not.
seems from what you're saying like you realize that this has run away from you, and is running right over you.
really understanding i couldn't control it, or myself with it, was the beginning of my sobriety.
good to see you here and see you looking for help.