Thank you for your post, Blossom. I also have a strong codie streak in me and frequently find that I've given much more than was asked or appreciated. I wonder if the problem is less with the word NO and more with our needs in giving?
One of the things that has made a huge difference in my happiness and my relationships with others has been taking a moment to consider my motives in giving. What is it that I hope to achieve through my time and energy? Am I giving freely, or do I expect something in return?
It sure is nice when our contributions are acknowledged, but I've also come to realize that if I give expecting anything special in response, it isn't a gift anymore. It's a transaction. I give, therefore they owe me a thank you. And the problem with those forced thank yous is that they tend to be given begrudgingly. Who wants one of those?
I'm still learning through trial and error, but I'm trying not to give now if I can't give freely. This approach seems to have cut down on quite a bit of my unwanted giving (meddling). If I give freely and receive an unwelcome response, I just file that information away for the next time. You didn't like the collage I put together for your dad? Sorry about that...your brother and I will do our own thing next time.
One of the surprising side effects of this approach is that I'm now a much better receiver of gifts than ever before. If I give without expecting something in return, it is easier for me to see the gifts of others as sincere rather than forced. Sincere gifts are much sweeter than reciprocal gifts. My expectations are lower and it feels good just to be remembered. People seem to be enjoying my gifts a little more, too.