I hear ya man. I'm a real alcoholic. Haven't been able to stop no matter how bad things get. Just keep fighting, don't blame these people who made changes that you and I haven't been able to make. It can be done and I've met many people on this site who were/are real alcoholics and experienced some unimaginable things. You are not alone man. But this can be beaten. Just never give up. I throw up, look like a crack addict, don't eat, can't even get a haircut these days. It's a sickness man. Just know you aren't alone. Hope all the best for you.