for me i was simply beaten by the booze, i had lost everything all because i couldn't stop drinking.
when i went into aa if they told me to drop my trousers and moonie at the queen of england to get sober i would of done it
they call it the gift of despair
going to prison didnt get me to stop
losing my kids to social workers didnt make me stop
losing my busnines didnt get me to stop
losing my home didnt make me stop
ending up on my own in a hostel flat and throwing up to get another drink down me didnt make me stop
but one day i woke up with no money i couldnt get any booze and i was facing getting kicked out of the hostel run flat
with no booze inside me for a day and no way i could get any i was in total madness i couldnt escape anymore into the booze
its was a day of hell but it was also the best day of my life
i went to aa with nothing and i got my life back and more i got a new life of practising some new ways of doing things
i didnt want to do any of them so the first thing i had to practice was practicing opposites
if i had to go to shop for a walk my head would tell me not to bother and just sit in my own misery
so i had to say to my head get stuffed i am going to go to the shop and i would go and when i did i felt much better
on and on it goes doing things my head tell me not to do
until finally it starts to get easier,
maybe you need that gift of despair my friend ? i dont know what its like to go to a rehab as i couldn't afford one so aa was my only way out
i hope it works for you but i do belive nothing will work unless you truely want it in your heart of hearts