Robert, the journey is a brutal one sometimes. I hadn't gone without a drank for a few days in 15 years. I don't know where I landed on the Alkie scale or if I was more/ less physically addicted then most. I just know that I drank everyday and thought I could not live without it. Drinking was fun in my 20s but it became a chore in my late 20s and early 30s. I didn't drink 2 liters of vodka a day but I would drink a 12 pack with a few shots. Waking up anxious and all shaky. Stinking of booze vowing not to drink again that night. But as soon as work was over it was time to get loaded.
I never really hit a rock bottom by going to prison or rehab. My therapist told me about a study that shows alcoholism leads to jail, rehab, death, divorce, and joblessness. Okay those are possibilities but not for me. I am above the curve. When my wife had to beg me to cut down to the weekends and I was feeling sick everyday from a hangover I took these as signs something needs to change.
Normal people don't drink everyday that ends in y. My physical withdraw was minimal for me. Its the mental that's a real challenge. I had never sincerely tried to quit before but I had made up my mind after a long night of binge drinking and getting sick. I guess almost burning down my house from trying to cook drunk wasn't a sign enough.
The point is sobriety is tough. I still have the urge to get some alcohol at night. I think gosh this was a brutal day. I should grab a drink and relax. Dealing with emotions and reality is extremely difficult sober. Sure people are proud to post their success stories and they should. They are inspirational. But its the behind the scenes that we know is very difficult juggling jobs, family, and life's lovely/surprising misfortunes. Doing it sober without the aid of alcohol. If I could do it alone I wouldn't be on this website reading and learning from others.
I beg you to keep giving yourself a chance. Everyday is a new day. There are so many different resources out there. Keep experimenting until you find one that fits. Sobriety isn't sunshine and rainbows. Sobriety isn't a prison either. It a new way to embrace life and to live each day to its fullest good, bad, and ugly.