The right thing to do ?
There is no right or wrong, just lessons learned …
Going to rehab gave him a basis of what he needs to do. He learned tools there and knows what is available to help him help himself. It isn’t that he just didn’t get it, it is that he just isn’t ready. When will he be, well no one here can answer that.
No matter what you ask in terms of him, it will always have to come back to what you need and want ... what is best for you and the children.
Do you want him home now? If not then you don’t. You aren’t really able to tell him where he needs to go, let him know he just can’t come home if that is what you want. Then see what he decides to do from there. He is a grown man and very capable of taking care of himself.
Your choice matters for you, how he reacts is on him having nothing to do with what you needed for you and the kids. Don’t look at it like if I do this then maybe he will …. No motives allowed! It has to be about what you need right now for your peace and sanity.
I am really big on leaving those I love to make the choices they think they need to make. It doesn’t matter what I think of the choice because I am not the one needing to learn from it. Make sense? In the end ultimately he will do what he wants and what he feels he needs to. It isn’t personal if he makes a choice you don‘t like or see as the worst possible. This is just what it is and you won’t be able to understand because it isn’t yours to.
You don’t have to decide today if your marriage should end. And it will only be you who can decide that. But I will tell you that watching his actions will show you exactly where he is today and it is obvious if one is in active addiction or working on their recovery. There is no trying … it is all about ones willingness to do and act … not sit and talk about what they can do.
You asked about anyone in the same situation ... well yes and no. My husband is a recovering heroin addict. I choose to stay...The staying or leaving fight in my head was just a distraction not to work on myself and find what I really wanted. I tend to figure if you know what you need and want then you don't drive yourself crazy in the questions, you just act. So maybe it is time now for you to take care of yourself and figure out what you need and want from this life. You only get one ride, don't miss a thing!