My father did drink much too much when I was young. And when my Mother left him she went on a long tangent of drinking as well. But she made the choice to get help when she say how it was effecting the three year old me. But I remember it all well...I grew up very aware not to "set Dad off."...I don't want that kind of anxiety for my children...I think what kills me in this situation is that he fooled me...I believed that this was "the man" that I made a good choice this time...I saw no signs of drinking for seven months. Not a single one...he was that good...but it fooled me; it drew me in and my heart became involved...and just as I let my heart be open is when things fell apart...I feel betrayed and like an idiot...I start to feel like every time I let myself love a person, my choice of that specific person bites me in the butt, in ways I think I should have been able to see coming...I've never experienced being around a person who "needs" alcohol to function...my ex didn't drink every day. His issue was that when he started to drink that he was incapable of stopping until he was almost blackout and angry. He'd blame me and say he went out and drank so much because he didn't love me and being married to me made him miserable. it hurt so much...this man seems to physically require alcohol to function and psychologically to cope with his life...he pulls on my sympathy saying that his time in jail, almost a year, from his dui, was traumatizing for him...he never gets aggressive or mean like my ex and I suppose that made it easier for me to buy into it...but I know that my children deserve stability and love and an anxiety free existence...as much as possible...and so do I. I need someone I can rely on to be safe and be there...at the same time I do find myself just desperate to "make it all better" and help or "fix" him...I have this irrational belief in my head that I am capable of solving the issue and with me by his side that he can be strong enough to conquer the urge...but I am realizing that just isn't based in reality and that it's all on him to want to change...I've been looking for any signs and analyzing him which tells me that some of the trust that comes easily at first is gone...I hoped he'd show me he was committed to the fight and earn it back...it's so heartbreaking to fail at another relationship...but I am starting to see that all of you very kind people are right...the chances are that he won't get better until he decides to...the hard part is not blaming myself...I'm trying. But I do realize that none of his issues are my fault or responsibility..they existed before we met and they may continue to exist after I'm gone...I am going to ask him to go to meetings and prove to me that he attends and if he can't do it then I don't think I can either...sounds so harsh and it hurts me deeply to do it...but I can't survive another relationship that hurts that much again...I just can't do it.