My heart goes out to you because my life used to follow patterns and the men who I used to be attracted to were extremely poor choices with many red flags flying over their heads...oh they looked really shiny and they were completely charming....irresistible in fact.
Now in recovery and looking back and having the benefit of 20/20 they were trying to win me with all that charm and Perfection all the while hiding the big holes they had...for most it was an addictive issue and they were allegedly sober during our courtships and marriages (as a hyper controlling personality all of them hid their drug and alcohol usages until I caught them).
Alcoholics and drug addicts always have a lot of issues (as we all do) along with abuse and that is why they even in recovery they make very, very risky choices for relationships. The future is always uncertain with an A and relapse becomes the nightmare we all know oh so well. Sober is just not drinking and honeymoon periods are just that....periods of time where everyone is floating on clouds and its easy to let our feelings sweep us along into a relationship much too quickly to really, really know them.
So... my thoughts are "why do we have such broken pickers over and over"? I do because of the family disease of alcoholism I grew up in and both of my parents were emotionally unavailable and other reasons I have sorted out in therapy.
But... I no longer see the A across the room and my radar go crazy and have overwhelming attraction for that broken guy...now... my radar goes off and I hear that robot voice go off in my head "Danger, Danger Will Rogers Danger"!!!!!!! Thats Lost in Space talk for you young people.
I retrained my brain with recovery. Alanon, this site and counseling. Lots of books...and more books.
And one more thing... your kids are learning from you how to choose a mate and it becomes hardwired. We have to demonstrate and model healthy behaviors... fortunately my kids both had enough counseling growing up that they didn't choose A's or addicts for mates. I like to think I had something to do with that because I was very, very proactive in their learning that Mom's broken picker did not have to be heritable! But it can be and very often children of alcoholic or addictive families choose mates that emulate the same patterns of behavior that are "home' to them so they can "fix" the brokenness at last.
We can break the cycles by recovery... so maybe you are on a path of discovery like many of us found ourselves that will be life changing for you. You are among friends who care so stick around. I would find an alanon meeting ... they are great!