Hi Kirsten and so sorry you are going through this. It is a horrible predicament to be in with young children as well. Thank God for the support of your dad and his as well. As far as kicking him out, allowing him to stay, etc only you can make that decision. I do have to say no one can "keep" him from using. If he wants to use, he will. I had to learn this the hard way with my son. Trying to keep him from doing anything was fruitless. None of us can control the addict. They have to want to stop themselves.
Does your husband WANT to be clean but is finding it very difficult or is he not putting in any time or effort?
I think your children's lives and what they see and deal with is very important. Many will tell you it sometimes takes drastic measures (and sometimes that doesn't work either) for an addict to take getting clean seriously. Have you ever discussed separating until he gets clean? I found allowing the addict to face the consequences of their addiction is a very important step. If your dad and his dad continue to babysit he cannot learn on his own how to stop or give him valid enough reasons. I understand why they are doing it because I did it myself. I had to learn it wasn't helping anything and only wearing me down. Do you have anyone you can talk to like a therapist or counselor? Have you tried an nar anon or AA meeting? They aren't for everyone but some find them very helpful in understanding drug addiction and getting help for themselves because that is really what it is about. It has to be about you getting help for yourself and your children. I wish you the best and hope you continue to come back and get help here. If you have the time look above at the stickies at the top of the page. Many find them very helpful!