But as someone else noted...we want the sort of pain that instills action rather than the one that promotes shame..and the need for escape.[/QUOTE]
Yes, I was kind of getting at that. When we feel compassion for an abused puppy, for example, our heart yearns to do something to help. When we feel self-compassion for our own suffering, this seems to imply we want to do something about it rather than engage in an eternal pity party or just try to escape.
I think a willingness to feel pain is essential. This counts for physical as well as psychological suffering. As accidents and grief piled up in my life, I found myself shifting from enjoying the party to partying to escape the pain. This was a major shift in my addiction timeline. Along with that came self-pity rather than compassion. I beat myself up rather than treating myself gently and attempting to heal.
After I quit drinking, I soon realized I needed to quit painkillers, as well (even though I was not a daily user). This was frightening. I could no longer hide from emotional or physical pain. In just a few short months (and it hasn't been easy), I am realizing I didn't really need the painkillers (or the alcohol, obviously) in the first place (or at least not after a few weeks post-car accident). By mindfully facing the pain combined with consciously developing loving-kindness for myself, I believe some inflammation has subsided, and my physical pain is less than when I was drinking and using the painkillers. Truth be told, I took the painkillers as a sedative more than anything else.
Self-pity includes thoughts like, "I am such a loser," or "Life isn't fair."
Self-compassion sounds more like, "I am a human being that could use some help," and "It is what it is."