I am having a hard time right now. I can't sleep, my mind is all over the place. Alcohol always helped me sleep so I never stayed awake at night with all these worries. Tomorrow we are having a family BBQ, which is being held at my home or I wouldn't attend, and I know for certain there will be alcohol. I am really fighting myself on the decision to have 1 beer, to sip on, but I know in my heart I won't be able to stop. The temptation is already so strong and it's not even happening yet. I am even considering running down stairs and pouring myself some shots of rum, and having to seriously force myself to stay in bed. I feel so anxious, and it's so damn hot in this house. I feel like I'm ready to come out of my skin. Just needed to get that off my chest