Originally Posted by
Flavia2 
AH stopped drinking after a DUI and job loss about six months ago. Things have continued to be difficult between us and not too much genuine remorse from him for prior behavior (IMO)
This morning, very small argument but he hangs up on me. Extreme to me, but I get on with my day. No contact. Now 11pm and still no phone call & he does not come home.
It seems to follow same old pattern of leave/refuse to speak to me. Like he's trying to punish me! Ugh- I am feeling better and stronger with a job & a plan but STILL- I wanted it to work. Really, I feel blindsided as he hasn't done this in months. Everyone says I'll know when enough is enough. But still, fear of how ugly things will get keeps me here.
Hey Flavia, I hope you got some rest. What stood out for me in your post was you saying that you think he's trying to punish you.
For what? (Below is just just an example how I saw these kind of situations play out. I can not tell how close this is to your situation, but maybe it's helpful)
Why punish?
Have you done something wrong, something you could stop, so he would not have to run away and maybe drink?
Is it all your fault and now he stays away to "teach" you your lesson and "show you" how much you have hurt him by making you feel worried and guilty?
Should you better be relieved when he returns and "shut up"?
Have you made a mistake that caused him to make a mistake?
Shouldn't the past be in the past, and wouldn't it be nice if he "forgave you" for pushing him away and hurting him and causing him to run and drink? Do you want to be a nag, or get over it and stop exaggerating?
My point is - no partner has the right to "punish" their spouse. Just as you are not the reason that someone drinks there is in my opinion no valid reason for a partner to pull disappearing / silent treatment / blame game stunts on their spouse.
Like the others I can not tell you if he's abusing you, but I want you to know that your feelings and perceptions are valid and matter.