oh how I can relate to the chaos and drama. ive learned a few things about that in recovery.
I was addicted to it.
by having chaos and drama happening, it kept me from doin something totally insane and what I didn't want to do-look at myself.
the longer I was recovery, the less I liked chaos and drama. it would be pretty weird when I sit back and say,"ok,somethings wrong. im not sure what but something aint right." those were times when I didn't have chaos and drama happening and it just didn't feel right. it was a friend that pointed that out to me( along with my addiction to it and doin what I could to not look at myself) and said,"guess what? normal, sane, sober people don't have all that chaos and drama. yup, there can be problems in life, but normal,sane, sober people don't create it like you used to, so welcome to a lil more of sanity!"
took time to get used to it. now im a lil addicted to peace and serenity!
about them monkeys- same friend talkin to him about em. told me,"tom,ya spent many years getting em off yer back, but they just jumped back on. its time ya get em off yer back and kill the lil bastaads!"
its good to read the realizataions yer havin,nuudawn! and wanting to do something about it!