Hello Nuudawn,
I wish you well as you continue along the sobriety path and I'm glad you're here posting again!
This, in your post struck me:
Despite the insanity that is him in conflict...the passive aggressive whiny antagonistic, combative, petulant baby...I do love the warm, wonderful, funny, generous, loving, affectionate side that is him when all is going well.
See, one of the things I've come to realize in sobriety is that being sober allows me to be my authentic self, to be constant in how I respond to life's ups and downs. I don't have the extremes of feeling, behaviours, nor drama that alcohol brought into my life. I don't mean to imply that I'm Pollyanna, far from it, in fact I'm going through a rough time at present, but I know that at my core, my principles and values, and how I relate to others will remain steady.
What you said about your boyfriend concerns me on your behalf, especially in the, let's face it, extreme distress of early sobriety.
You love his "fair weather" self, but life isn't all fair weather, is it? Do you really need the destabilizing "otherness" that you've described?
Heck, I'm lonely as hell, I totally get where you're coming from. But please, be kind to yourself and look after yourself, you are so worth it!
Sorry if this sounds a tad in your face, but we all care about you here and want you to be healthy and well.
Best wishes.