Thanks all, for your thoughtful and very helpful posts - I just nodded my head in agreement to all of them :-)
@ Nuudawn: Thank you, dear; I'm trying, is all I say. You know, I'm so fresh into this that I hardly dare to speak, just quietly trudging along on the path that feels right which is acceptance and again, ALLOWING myself to feel, to stay with the feelings, instead of running away from them, from me.
Gosh, I got so tired of running away that one day I decided: Enough, enough, enough, no more running, no more pretending, no more inadequate fixing. It's been cathargic, to say the least, and healing. Maybe the healing begins at a point where we wave the white flag and simply surrender and admit defeat in a sense that we accept, yes, life is painful, yes, we don't get our ways and yes, we don't have a fix. And then we are, maybe, finally able to relax into the delicate and fleeting and painful beauty of life.
I'm glad that you found some space to mentally "breathe" again - please be gentle with yourself; I think we've beaten ourselves up too long already -I did-, it's time for a new approach?! Hugs.
@ Anna: Yes, yes, yes! Acceptance is key for ending the war. Funny, I just read something that is probably not very new, nevertheless for me worth being reminded of on a very frequent basis: Happiness is a (constantly-being-made) choice. So true. It's all about perception. My perception. I own it. If I accept a situation, whether past or present, it is no problem, no war. If I resist it, if I fight it, there's war, and drama, internal and or/external. My choice. Gotta read Tolle again. Beautiful.
@ Jenny: Thanks for sharing! It seems to be a good approach to learn how to be your own good friend while working through things: When would you nod your head in understanding, compassionately sharing the pain that he/she is feeling, giving it the space and time it needs to be acknowledged and healed and when would you feel that he/she is a little "off" and needs a little nudge towards another direction/ perception? Could be a good benchmark. Thanks again!
@ DisplacedGRITS: I just LOVE your definition, I guess it pretty much sums it up: "Self pity is hurt without acceptance or forgiveness. Self compassion is hurt with love, acceptance and forgiveness." Bravo!
And this here, DG, is so beautiful: "I'm like a sieve. Pain and hurt and anger wash over me but instead of hoarding them, I let them get me wet but pass through."
Yes, I am that sieve, too. And I am quite wet, but I am smiling.
Thanks for your beautiful, I'd say even poetic answer. ;-)
J.