Originally Posted by
strayJ 
However, I've got a question: I think that there's quite a fine line between self-compassion and self-pity. While the former is a necessary tool/ attitude for healing and self-empowering growth imho, the latter is part of the deluded thinking that led to abuse. Do I make sense here? And if so, how do I learn to distinguish between the two of them? How did you do it?
J.
For me:
Self-compassion: a positive attitude of acceptance of my strengths and weaknesses, all together, in one package. The ability to view myself as it is, let it be, rather than condemning certain parts or wanting to cut them out. Even the fact that I have addictive urges and tendencies. They are just thoughts and feelings, if I don't act on them, they do not bother my positive self image. I like the idea of accepting some of our cognitive dissonances as they are rather than always adjusting everything to make perfect sense. WE all carry lots of internal conflicts and new ones are born everyday. Without acceptance, it's a constant war. With acceptance and compassion, it's peace. Easier said than done, but basically what I think and try to do.
Self-pity: beating up myself for things and criticizing my flaws and some of our impulses, motivations, etc. Wanting to cut out certain parts of ourselves hoping that by doing so we'll become better, but not really working on it actively. And projecting these maladaptive desires in a way that "poor me, I was given this malady, why me..." etc.
Now there is a third thing in my mind, that's probably just as important. Self-development and improvement. For me, this only works well if I first manage to accept a certain feature of me reasonably well, then try to find realistic ways to change it. When I succeed, the result will lead to more self-compassion, also because I like the "new version" better. This type of self work also leads to increasing self-confidence rather than the stagnating state of pity when we are stuck with something.