Self-compassion vs. Self-pity: Dealing with Emotions
Hi dear SR-friends,
I'm close to the 100-days-mark (on day 94 precisely) and I'm relieved to say I'm doing rather well. I seem to be quite done with my former lover alcohol, at least my perception of it has changed massively: There's hardly any allure left if any at all - why would I go back to a drug that kept me in a miserable loop of low self-esteem, of mental and emotional obsession/ dependency and a perpetual sense of victimhood?
Farewell, My Lovely!
However, these past 13 weeks haven't been easy at all. I've been awash with long suppressed feelings: I'm letting myself be vulnerable, raw, maybe for the first time in my entire adult life and I'm refusing to rationalize these feelings away, to get into my usual pep talk (if I'm friendly) or into my carrot-and-stick policy to get the tired horse that I am, going.
I've been trying a new approach. Radically new, to me, that is: No fix. No resistance.
My journey's been all about acceptance so far. ALLOWING myself to actually FEEL and trusting not to be swept away is a new concept to me. And, it ain't easy, no, ma' am. Because a lot of these feelings haven't exactly been puppies and rainbows, quite the contrary. But apart from being totally exhausting, it's been liberating, to say the least, because in this surrender lies freedom, in my opinion. And healing.
Maybe someone can relate?
However, I've got a question: I think that there's quite a fine line between self-compassion and self-pity. While the former is a necessary tool/ attitude for healing and self-empowering growth imho, the latter is part of the deluded thinking that led to abuse. Do I make sense here? And if so, how do I learn to distinguish between the two of them? How did you do it?
Looking forward to your invaluable opinions/advice and thanks for letting me share. I'm mighty grateful for being part of this wonderful family.
J.