Originally Posted by
ontherightpath 
It just gets a grip on me and all I can think about is a drink. I find myself having a perfectly normal conversation, but all the while thinking about how my husband would react if I picked up some wine. But I know as soon as I say I need a meeting, he will feel slighted---- and that will tick me off even more. Cunning baffling powerful. And a load of crap. Sometimes one day at a time seems like an eternity, however I know that this too shall pass.
I was just coming here to post this SAME thing. I spoke too soon in my Day Four thread. I said I didn't really go to BBQs and pools and today I went to/am going to both. And I'm DYING. Well, not really. I just want to have a drink so badly, especially because of two other stressful situations that came up. Everyone in my FB feed is sporting nice drinks, some started with Bloody Mary's at 9 o'clock. I don't doubt that group of people are alcoholics because it's always the same, especially summer weekends where there are clear benders going on. So I keep that in mind.
Other people are checking into Brewhouses, now that it's a legit time. It's even harder because I didn't quit because I was at rock bottom. There was nothing special going on. There weren't any DUIs, any bodily aches or pains, any withdrawals, any fighting in my life. Nothing. But I knew it was only going to get worse. A weird part of me wishes I had some big eye opening moment.
With the stress of dieting, taking exams, writing papers, meeting work deadlines, there's an end, hence reward, in sight. I know sobriety in itself is a reward of the greatest kind. Rationally, I already see the vast benefits. But my AV is telling me to set a reward date where I can knock back a few.
I nearly bought myself a little something and then stopped after reasoning through it. If I buy a little something, I'll feel good for an hour, tops. Then I'll need more. And then more. And then more? And then what? I'll be plastered and unable to function. A little tease is going to do nothing. I even thought of getting two plane shots of bacardi to get my through the next few hours. I successfully walked away.
This is so freaking hard. I hate it.