I very much can relate! I have two kids too, and those early years are completely insane. Soon after my first daughter was born, I came home from a party, puking my guts out and crying about what a bad mum I was.
So I tried to control it, and control it, and control it. I wasn't so bad at it. Except when I was.
I also went on Zoloft after the kids were born. It was a lifesaver! It really does help get you through the really tough times. I wasn't so safe though, and drank quite a bit, which can be pretty dangerous.
A word of warning about antidepressants: it doesn't solve your fundamental problem. I found it too easy to pretend like everything was solved with that pill. Now I'm off the drugs and realizing that I still need to deal with the beast that's always been there.
Keep reaching out!
