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My story- anyone relate

Old 05-29-2014, 08:40 AM
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My story- anyone relate

I have drank most everyday of my life for the last 13 years except when I was pregnant with my two daughters. Wine was my choice and was my mothers choice and her mother as well. I have had pretty horrible things happen to me throughout my life and now that I'm a mother and wife I can put those behind me.

The last two years have been the hardest. My husband works a lot and I take care of my two small children. The stress has gotten to me and I just can't stop obsessing over alcohol. I wake up feeling horrible and counting down the hours until I can drink. I barely speak to my husband and my now 5 year old has gotten smart. She asks "is Dad going to get your wine?" or "are you drinking wine again?".

Two weeks ago I got completely drunk as usual and started feeling suicidal. I would NEVER kill myself because I am a mom and I would never leave my girls. BUT just the fact that I was thinking what a relief it would be to not feel the obsession I was feeling was scary.

I went to a nurse practitioner who put me on Zoloft. I haven't drank in 2 weeks and feel so hopeful for the future. I am glad to be on here to chat and talk with those going through the same thing.
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Old 05-29-2014, 08:44 AM
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welcome aboard!!!!

I can relate to your story inasmuch as I used alcohol to cope with life and as a result it became a central part of my life.

I can relate to your story in that it was taking me down a really dark road and I finally acknowledged it.

I've been sober over five months and it's fantastic by comparison. Glad you're here and taking action to better your life.

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Old 05-29-2014, 08:54 AM
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I too am on Zoloft. Give it time, it does work.

Awesome job on 2 weeks.
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Old 05-29-2014, 08:56 AM
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im sure most here can relate. simply put, the drug is doing more harm than benefit. i got to the point that everything in between drinking was just something i felt i had to endure. so actual happy moments werent happening.

have you declared that you are quitting? it really is different than taking a break. declareing this to my spouse and family was one of the hardest things i ever did. it messed up my pride, and told everyone i wasnt to be seen with a drink again. absolutely horrifying!

for years i avoided this because i fear any admission of weakness. i also wanted to be able to have one in public!

now, three plus months out, i look at these thoughts and cuss myself for not doing it sooner. its like taking a new drug. one that works! good day, bad day, i NEVER wake up and think "damn, i should have drank last night..."
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Old 05-29-2014, 09:18 AM
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How reassuring I don't know if I thought to myself a couple weeks ago that I was giving up alcohol forever. I think I just hit rock bottom and wanted to release myself from the constant obsession, guilt, shame that alcohol brought me. It always seemed like my best friend in the afternoon but then was my worst enemy the day after. I guess I don't know how to define myself. Sober for sure but forever? I think I may have to be. I can't control myself, I never have been able to. I never stop drinking after two drinks. I always black out. It has been something that is joked about amongst friends and co-workers. It's almost like it was accepted. There is no place for it in my life now. I need to be a mother and a wife and enjoy life. I wasn't with alcohol. I was temporarily for the 2 hours I drank. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I'm glad to be on here.
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Old 05-29-2014, 09:23 AM
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Originally Posted by jellybean80 View Post
I have drank most everyday of my life for the last 13 years except when I was pregnant with my two daughters. Wine was my choice and was my mothers choice and her mother as well. I have had pretty horrible things happen to me throughout my life and now that I'm a mother and wife I can put those behind me.

The last two years have been the hardest. My husband works a lot and I take care of my two small children. The stress has gotten to me and I just can't stop obsessing over alcohol. I wake up feeling horrible and counting down the hours until I can drink. I barely speak to my husband and my now 5 year old has gotten smart. She asks "is Dad going to get your wine?" or "are you drinking wine again?".

Two weeks ago I got completely drunk as usual and started feeling suicidal. I would NEVER kill myself because I am a mom and I would never leave my girls. BUT just the fact that I was thinking what a relief it would be to not feel the obsession I was feeling was scary.

I went to a nurse practitioner who put me on Zoloft. I haven't drank in 2 weeks and feel so hopeful for the future. I am glad to be on here to chat and talk with those going through the same thing.
I think we can completely relate to your story, when drinking becomes the main focus. I always thought it was just me that saw the degree of abuse with regards to the alcohol Intake but everyone around me saw it too and all the time I thought I was hiding it well, which just shows how self involved we were.
Wish you well.
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Old 05-29-2014, 09:50 AM
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jellybean, your decision to use this site is a good one. as with any forum, some info will apply. some will not. its your actively seeking information that counts.

if you are drinkin like that, and seeking help now, you could possibly avoid a nasty "bottom".

if you havent heard of this,"rock bottom" is the end point where reality forces the user to entertain sobriety as a lifesaver. i think AA may have been the origin of this. -any way, rock bottom looks different from all of us. you can choose to pay attention to current affairs and jump off the tracks before being injured or killed.

i stayed on the tracks until i got severely "dented". LOL!
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Old 05-29-2014, 10:03 AM
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Yes I can relate. Wine was drink of choice. Stay at home mommy to two little kids.
Post away! You can also join a monthly group, and there is a Moms/Mums group in the daily support threads.

I'm day 12 after a one night slip and previous 24 days.

Hugs
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Old 05-29-2014, 10:03 AM
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Welcome to the forum Jellybean!

One of my daughter's stated a year ago "Wine makes you happy Mamma."

And I thought "expletive...I'm going to have to do something about this."

So I switched to drinking beer at night (I could do this for a week or two) to mix things up a little.

Ach! Kids see the world with honest eyes. Still took me a long time to get here.

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Old 05-29-2014, 10:21 AM
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It really sucks when the 5 year old starts commenting about the alcohol... "Daddy, you forgot to stop and get some beer". Dealing with that now. grrrrr.....
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Old 05-29-2014, 10:26 AM
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Blumming heck it's like looking in the mirror with u. My little ones when I now drink cola asked is that wine does daddy want a beer. Very ashamed but so so proud to say mummy doesn't drink that nasty stuff anymore.
Here if u ever want a chat x
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Old 05-29-2014, 10:27 AM
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I very much can relate! I have two kids too, and those early years are completely insane. Soon after my first daughter was born, I came home from a party, puking my guts out and crying about what a bad mum I was.

So I tried to control it, and control it, and control it. I wasn't so bad at it. Except when I was.

I also went on Zoloft after the kids were born. It was a lifesaver! It really does help get you through the really tough times. I wasn't so safe though, and drank quite a bit, which can be pretty dangerous.

A word of warning about antidepressants: it doesn't solve your fundamental problem. I found it too easy to pretend like everything was solved with that pill. Now I'm off the drugs and realizing that I still need to deal with the beast that's always been there.

Keep reaching out!
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