Thanks, Mags.
and as a general note for any new members, this is not a how-to or how-I-did-it other than working fully on myself and changing me from within. If I hadn't figured out how to let go of trying to control things, I wouldn't have been able to step back and support him through this. He's been building his support network and I've been building mine. We're both learning to reach out for help, how to ask for it and how to accept it. None of it's easy, but we're getting there, one step at a time. Thank you so very much, my SR friends. The thanks would still be there if he hadn't gone into rehab, for I'd still be living true to myself.
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By the time we went through the tour at the second rehab, I think he was more afraid of what would happen if he wasn't there than he was of being there.