Originally Posted by
Applekat 
Day 10 consecutive days. Happy for double digits again. Please don't hate yourself. Any of you. I actually basically teach my kids that "hate" is a dirty word. Essentially. I think it's such a strong word and emotion. I think you can dislike something and wish it was different. I don't know. I hope there's something you can do to change that eventually! I'm so proud of us. Keep on keepin' on.
yea it is a pretty strong word, it's just so easy to say too....I mean I grew up from like 12/13 till now going to death/heavy metal shows where hate it pretty much the main theme of the music...I donno I guess after a while it oddly feels good to sling that word out...I know I don't really hate myself cause if I did I wouldent like maintain as I have been, but it's the way I view myself...I actually like what I see in a physical sense when I look in the mirror it's not like that, it's just how I am as a person and interact with everyone else that I can't fing take at all...some days it's not so bad, but some days I'm really down on myself and hate is the only word I can bring up...I wasted so much time and opportunities with what I did, and I know I'm young, but compared to people I know my age, I feel like a complaining old man, and nobody gets it so I stopped complaining...I made the mistakes and I'm paying for them now, but for me personally, If I don't work these two crappy jobs and pay for the few things I have, I really don't have much other then a wonderful girl in my life (thank god) but I have no room in my life for any fun or good times, very little, and I know people say life isn't about money, but I won't have any if I don't do what I gotta do...gas alone to get somewhere to do something is crazy here in NY, I wish I had room for more or more days in the week but I don't, my days are staying sober and staying like not sleeping in my car, so it's pretty dismal sometimes....I do have fun at times but I just wake up every morning like ungh, this crap again...every damn day