This time last year I was celebrating AHs year sober. Eight months ago he was kicked out. I was lost and alone, beside myself with stress and needing to hibernate socially, to avoid the loving advice of friends and family in order to hear my own heart speak.
My heart was barely whispering to me-why would it bother after being ignored for so long?
Now my heart soars, seeing that my kids are doing just fine with two households, that far from being undateable I needed to buy a calendar to keep track of great men who aren't scared of a single mom over 30yo, that I managed the house just fine, shovelled snow, raked leaves, cooked suppers, put out the trash. I even have more time for a social life than ever since I had kids now that there are days they go to dad's. It isn't perfection but all the fears I had about leaving axh have turned out to be unnecessary or actually direct sources of pride and accomplishment when I manage on my own.
Plus I have a new man in my life, a bf of three months who is rekindling an interest in relationships and sex that was too deeply buried in the toxic situation with axh. So on top of regular happiness I am giddy as a schoolgirl over this.
Thank you all for helping me learn about what was wrong so I could start building up my life right.
PS. For the record (although this really isn't about his recovery or lack of) axh is for sure happier, we are able to be good friends and amicable and agreeing co parents, and he is still sober too, so it turns out what was good for gander hasn't hurt goose or goslings in the long run either.