Can't quite believe this ......
Hey all,
Been a while since I posted, but things have been relatively okay. SD is still not in contact with her mother, but that's her choice and absolutely fine. Since her mother forgot her birthday, it's kind of reiterated to SD that her mother doesn't particularly care for her and she seems resigned to that. She's been going her exams recently and has had some boyfriend trouble, so she's been pretty stressed. And then today happened.
I'm sure I've told you all this before anyway, but, and it's a tad complicated, my husband's parents have always had a 'thing' for SD's mother (who is not their daughter), so much so that it's caused a lot of problems in the past, because they basically protected her when SD was living with her and neglecting her. We never understood what the 'bond' really was, but had to accept (otherwise it sent us mad) that my in-laws had an awful lot to do with the alcoholic that ruined their son's and their granddaughter's lives. I know, it doesn't make sense, but there it is.
Since SD's mum came out of rehab in January, they've had a lot to do with her, despite promising SD that they wouldn't. They can't seem to stay away from her, so we had to accept that but asked that we weren't informed about anything because, basically, we don't want to know. Fair enough you would think. SD also doesn't want to know anything either. She hasn't seen her mother for 15 months now, and the last time she spoke to her verbally was New Years Day. Her mother texts her sporadically, like once a month or something (usually to tell her she's been out with my in-laws - which really upsets SD as she feels her mother is rubbing salt into the wound! SD's mum knows SD doesn't want her nan and granddad having anything to do with her, so why would she tell SD that she is?????), but SD never replies. Her choice. Today my husband and SD went to see his parents. I didn't go as (a) I didn't want to and (b) we're having some decorating done. I got a text from SD saying "I want to come home", so I text back "why?". She then told me that her nan and granddad were having a go at her about not replying to her mother's texts. They told her that it's been five months since she was out of rehab and that she should reply to her texts. SD said she didn't want to reply to them. They then told her that her mother wanders around her house crying because she misses SD so much, and that she's stressed because she misses SD so much. SD said 'I don't want to know that really', and said she felt like they were trying to make her feel guilty for how her mother is feeling. My father in law then said, and this is unbelievable "well, if she goes back to drinking we'll all know who to blame won't we". Oh my god. SD text me this, so I immediately rang my husband and told him to get home and get SD out of there. I asked him if his father had said this and he confirmed it. He said they would leave immediately, which they did. Poor SD cried all the way home, and is still in a state. I'm really hoping she doesn't self harm. I have reiterated to her, through tears that she is NOT, and never will be, responsible for her mother's actions, and that if her mother chooses to drink again then that will be HER choice, NOT SD's. SD said her grandparents have made her feel like a villain, and are making her mother out to be some sort of saint.
I am absolutely dumbfounded, seriously. Needless to say we have decided that SD will not be visiting her grandparents again. Clearly they prefer her mother, we get that, so they can just get on with it ........