Originally Posted by
dandylion 
Purple---Respectfully, I suggest to be cautious in delving into your personal issues with children (even 13 and 11yrs.)---because you may think they will get a certain message and they could get another, unintended one. While another adult may comprehend such emotions--children do not have the life experience nor the frames of reference to deal with such material.
Children are very prone to internalizing such material to think that they are somehow the fault. They worry about their own security (a lot)....and wonder what will happen to them in the future if mom is torn-up inside. They are always looking to you for cues.
In particular--the issue of anger at their dad is like a land-mine of emotional material to a developing child.
Psychologists often speak of "parentalizing" children by having peer-like relationships with them--rather than having some durable boundaries which keeps the parent and child role very clear.
Kids like to know that you are the "Captain of their ship" and that everything is going to be o.k.--even though it may be storming outside. If you come across as secure and stable--this is what they take comfort in.
What I am saying is that it would be wise to give a lot of thought before unburdening yourself to the children.......
dandylion
Thank you for your reminder to be cautious.
I have considered all of the things you mentioned. Both of my kids have been in counseling - DD for her ADHD and DS for his anger/acting out issues. What I want to tell them is to remember that sometimes even grownups have problems that take some time to work out and to please be patient with me as I go through all of this. I only told them that I had some anger issues that I didn't deal with when I should have and added to recent events that has made me way cranky. All of us have had things going on in our emotional lives that we have had trouble with and we work on them daily. It is a very human thing to do and sometimes that makes us not so pleasant to be around for a little while. I have NO intention of relating specific painful incidents, airing resentments or revealing intimate details of our marriage/divorce. That is not for children.