Hey there,
I just wanted to share a little of my story. I spent a lot of time in toxic relationships with active alcoholics/addicts and I'm also a (recovered) alcoholic. I loved my boyfriends and stayed with them as long as I could. I was also often the provider in the relationship. Lots of fighting and drama.
I'm in my early 40's now and after years of bad relationships and drama, I'm finding I have to learn from scratch what a good relationship is. The more time I spent in bad relationships, the more used to them I got, and the harder it has become to mentally recover from them and learn--and feel--what healthy relationships are.
You sound so much like me when I was in my 20's and I want to reach out to you and hug you and tell you to run. Start learning now how to be healthy. Be single and learn how to love yourself and treat yourself right. (Forgive me if I got your age wrong.) It gets harder (but not impossible) the older you get.
With no kids, there's no reason to subject yourself to a relationship that seems to be making you miserable. Of course it's not an easy situation and heartbreak doesn't care if it's a good or bad relationship. I had my life threatened indirectly by a man I loved and I still cried for a year after it ended. I get that.
But sometimes life decisions should be made on not feelings, but by knowledge of what's good for you.
It's your life, though, so do as you will. I just hope you'll listen and consider what people are saying.
Take care of yourself, ok?
