Originally Posted by
wanttobehealthy 
Why doesn't your boyfriend have a job? Outright refusal?
What does your therapist say about this relationship?
Ahh it's kind of a long story but I will try to make it short.
He had a job working for his dad, making okay money (not great by any means but okay) we were young at that point, early 20s, and we were so happy and in love and we moved in together. He has a history of bad anxiety and depression and that got worse and worse over the next few years as he worked for his dad. It got to the point where he was suicidal and I was very afraid for him. He said he hated the job but felt stuck because it was his dad and he felt he couldn't leave. I told him that we could move back closer to my family, move in to my uncle's house (he had an empty apt) until I could find a job and get us on our feet in our own apartment and my boyfriend could go back to school. My boyfriend is insanely smart, I am not just being biased. He is very intelligent.
So that is what we did. I got a job and he went back to school. Except a year into school, his anxiety got really bad again. He had to commute about 2 hours a day for school and it was really wearing on him. So he quit school, intending to go back...but he never did. It's been years now and I'm working, trying to support us both but I barely can with the money I make.
I have cried, pleaded, explained that I am so stressed by money and the burden of everything on my shoulders. He is incredibly anxious and depressed, and he is seeing a primary care doctor for depression medicine but he is not a therapist, only a medical doctor.
So anyway, yes, I guess it's outright refusal. He needs to deal with his underlying anxiety and depression because he is paralyzed by it. That is how is drinking got really bad, he was self medicating to deal with his stress/anxiety.
My therapist thinks that things are very toxic and that I really need to make choices about if this is how I want my life to be. A lot of the same stuff that people on here are saying. I can tell she probably thinks we need to break up but won't/can't say that straight out because you can't really be in the business of telling people what to do when you're in her position. She is trying to steer me into making my own decisions.
I am slowly dealing with everything in therapy but it takes time and I have my own personal issues on top of it all. It's all a big mess right now.