And if Tuesday comes, and I'm vomiting or sweating profusely or going #2 uncontrollably, I'm getting back on the pills, so I can return to work. Once I have a longer vacation time I will try again. I wish I didn't have to consider that, but that's my reality. It doesn't mean I don't want to get clean or planning to fail. I'm not saying I'd hang onto my stockpile weeks after I'm clean.
you just gave yourself permission to "fail" at this w/d attempt AND to use. and to KEEP your drugs nearby. your addict is in total control here, sorry to say. and has completely set you up to KEEP USING. nobody in their right mind with the true INTENTION of never using again would keep 175 pills. and that's because right now you are not IN your right (sane) mind. no active addict is.
if your serious, than cut the BS and the excuses. you said May 23 was your day. you know it won't be easy. but in order to get clean the yucky part is inevitable. but it can be ONCE and DONE. imagine....DONE and never ever have to go thru this sh!t again!!!! you CAN do this.