Heavyn-yeah you're right, I know I can never be the guy having a couple after some hard work.....i am unfortunately totally aware of how unhealthy my relationship with alcohol is....i threw away something very important that I'll never get back to start drinking again last time.
I find it odd how much I dreadfully miss alcohol and how sad leaving that part of me behind makes me and yet how at the same time im consumed with regret over the things I allowed it to take away from me......its like I don't know my own mind at the minute.
Seems its a long road ahead.....i won't bend or break though.....thank you everyone who took a few minutes to help me along, just needed to get some stuff off my chest.