Originally Posted by
MarathonMan 
JD- That's been another way my thoughts have been leading....I have the romanticized imagery followed by a big wave of resentment.......resentment aimed at myself for taking something I enjoyed and destroying it...I took something I liked and broke it beyond repair, it actually reminds me of my very first girlfriend when I was about 15, i was totally head over heals for her and was consumed by jealousy asking her where she was going who she was talking to etc, in the end she had enough and I had the same feelings of resentment then at myself for taking something good and breaking it....I don't like weakness and when you look in a mirror and see that weakness in yourself it can be hard to swallow.
This is quite interesting and something I relate to indeed. Its really interesting to me to understand addiction. Things for me don't start as an addiction. Something as innocent as a hobby starts off with good intentions. It provides positive feedback, makes me feel good. But the way that I am wired, when something feels good then more will make me feel better. So I lack the governor and I do more and more and more and more. This is where the problem occurs for me and its why its really important for me to understand what is an addiction or stealing and taking from my life and what is a hobby that is adding to my life.
Getting caught up in semantics can leave us paralyzed and rationalizing. So just the simple exercise of is this going to add or subtract. For me the answer is clear, alcohol will always steal from me. Another poster who subscribes to RR often talks about alcohol being the girlfriend that cheats on you and makes you look like a fool. I find this such a great metaphor. Alcohol for me will always steal and lead to drugs that steal more. Processed sugar, bread those also took from what I wanted.
Do I still have thoughts? Sure. I don't have the obsession but I have thoughts. When the thoughts are strong I reach out and talk, like you are doing and meditate it helps me. Goinf back and reading where I was at is also helpful too. 100 days is great and also early. I was thinking about alcohol almost non stop still and having ups and downs frequently.
Your doing great. How about going for a run?