JD- That's been another way my thoughts have been leading....I have the romanticized imagery followed by a big wave of resentment.......resentment aimed at myself for taking something I enjoyed and destroying it...I took something I liked and broke it beyond repair, it actually reminds me of my very first girlfriend when I was about 15, i was totally head over heals for her and was consumed by jealousy asking her where she was going who she was talking to etc, in the end she had enough and I had the same feelings of resentment then at myself for taking something good and breaking it....I don't like weakness and when you look in a mirror and see that weakness in yourself it can be hard to swallow.