I have followed your posts from the start - what mountains you are moving MM. This is okay...remember you are not your thoughts. Which is why your romantic ideas are a mirage.
Go back and read your first posts to remind yourself of where you left off because that is exactly where you will start. Once we cross that line there is no going back and your mind is play tricks thinking you can go back to those carefree days, sipping on a beer in the hot sun...that is not possible without much focus and determination and then its not carefree anymore.
It might be helpful to think about what else is going on in your life that is causing your addiction to be more active? This is where RR refers to your thoughts as beastly.