struggling a bit
Hi All,
I've been doing really well recently and have just hit 101 days sober. To be honest I was finding it all pretty easy.
Saturday afternoon Me and my grandad were digging out a new driveway at my house and amazing for the UK the son was belting down. Really hot, dry work and in passing my dad says to me "it was days and jobs like these that beers were made for. Shame we can't be trusted." He doesn't drink either.
The problem was it gave me a real moment of clear imagery of me and him sipping a bud, taking a break in the sun, like the good old days when we renovated a few properties together and used to celebrate a job well done with a couple of cold ones. I now can't seem to shake this image though and it's coming to me really clear really frequently.
During my dinner at work I walked to the local shop to buy and sandwich and before I knew why I found myself in the alcohol isle just staring at the beers. Didn't even think to walk down that isle like my feet just lead me there. Any time i stop and daydream my thoughts keep taking me to that image of sitting in the sun with that beer in my hand, I'm starting to get other feelings of warm nostalgia now that are linked along the same sort of lines and its really testing my commitment....really freaked me out how i just seemed to wander down the beer isle before i realised what I was doing.
Sorry for the post I know I'm not really asking for anything it's just I thought I was ok and now I almost feel defeated before I've been defeated if that makes sense.