Thank you
Thank you for the advice and encouragement. The issue is really complicated because of where I live and what I do. I am doing research and writing right now which is isolating in and of itself and I'm in a country which is isolating. Brain you're right on the money, if there were a psych eval or medical test for coming over here I wouldn't be here.
My sister thinks I should keep trying here; my counselor thinks I should go back to the US and go to a longer rehab and put my career second. I still don't know what to do. I'm kind of frozen. I have a hard time going to AA because I'm ashamed of how many times I've failed and it's a small community here. I guess I'm just ashamed of myself entirely.
I'm not even sure if this is what I want to do for a living. But if I quit, I will lose my co-authors unless my parents let me work part time and also do research and I don't see that happening. I tried to kill myself the first year of grad school and I lived with them during a medical leave. They wanted me to get a job quickly.
I can only be insured in the US if I am a resident as I understand it and so I can't take leave; I'd have to quit my job. Part of me wants to get the hell out of here -- I have for years, but I have kept telling myself one more year until I get this publication out or that one and I finally have one that might get me a U.S. job I just have to not fall apart and I don't know that I can do that. I'm going to go to a meeting now; it seems my 6 p.m. call isn't happening.
Hugs to all and thank God for a day sober so far.