Afraid
So I've been drinking for years on a daily basis and months ago I quit and had the worst withdrawals, I did not go to the er but I should have and then A week after being sober I started again drinking a bottle or 2 of wine a night then it became all day every day for months now. I realized I had a problem and the last time I quit I was too terified to go through it again so I got librium and it helped but unfortunately I went back down the rabbit hole one day turned into the next and i kept putting it off. After my brother died to years ago is when the daily drinking started and it was just to cover up every thought or feeling I had and I never thought of the physical consequences it would have until I went through withdrawal last year and it scared me to death. Yet I know im afraid of life and dealing with anxiety so drinking made things seem better even though it ends up being the devil. Hiding hundreds of bottles because im too embarressed to through them out and it all came to a head last week when I decided to come clean with myself that if i dont stop it will kill me. I had lied to my parents about quitting months ago and ofcorse had no symptoms so they thought it was great and easy but really i was still drinking. So now I tell them on thursday I need to quit and go through withdrawals again and they are supportive so ofcorse I didnt stop completely and drank a couple of beers but didnt buy wine and its caught up to me that the days have gone by and they think Ive passed the 72 hours when I havent ugh its such a mess. So I am now officially at my 14 hour cold turkey point right now and I know it is going to get so much worse for the next 5 days and it scares me that no one is going to be around, and if I would have just done it this weekend Id be at day three. But im 14 hours in and already the shakes,sweat,anxiety,feeling of doom is starting and all I continue to think about is how much worse its going to get and how afraid I am. But I am still going to continue through it and am just hoping to hell the next week flies by. I have this fear of the DT'S even though ive never had them before and it just makes all this worse. So I decided to join this site to read about others recovery and withdrawals so I dont feel so freaked out and alone. The worst part is the physical symptoms and fearing everything and then fearing how to cope with it. I havent been tempted to drink because I know if I dont start now Ill never start just like the last two times, this time I fear more knowing what is to come. If anyone can share there stories with me it would make me feel better and might take my mind of my body. I never thought I was an alcoholic until i realized how physically dependent I have become and its so upsetting realizing what Ive been doing and how I tried to rationalize and lie to myself because I was too afraid to quit. Its so stupid to be afraid of quitting something that can kill you but that is why Ive put it off for so long. I hope I can just feel better in 72 hours atleast physically and be able to sleep.