I really don't know which thread I am responding to right now. I'm going to respond the emotionally disconnect.
I haven't even read all the posts on this thread but I was kinda seeing it was going south.
My ex was an alcoholic, at first not so much me. In fact I started to drink, because then I was able to say, that I can't have sex after drinking because I won't feel anything. LIE. I just didn't want to have sex with a drunk, I wasn't drunk then, I used it to get me out of sex.
I started to drink more heavily because my A was also extremely abusive. I needed to numb it all out. (wrong). It only kept me there longer.
There were years that I would give up drinking, but that didn't stop him from hurting me, analyzing me, and blaming me for everything.
I took up shopping at walmart. I took up gardening. I took up anything that wasn't that expensive just to get out of the house. I was always being critisized. I had to get out, because, I'll tell you, I wanted to smack him with a shovel.
I hated being analyzed. I hated being blamed. I just wanted to be me. I wanted to be a person. I wanted to just stop the changing me so that someone could love me. I just wanted to be loved for who I was.
I found out that if I can't love the person that I am with, it's easier to leave then to try to create them to be the person you want. That's a puppet job.
Ps: Please note, he wanted to change me into a submissive wife, I just was trying to manipulate him into treating me a human. I was also manipulative, but he wanted to change me into accepting unacceptable behavior.
Sometimes walk in another persons shoes. Look where they are coming from.
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy