Originally Posted by
BlueChair 
You found an apartment - great news ! Do you like it ok ? Are you going to take things out of the house to furnish it or buy new?
Today I think your focusing a lot on your wifes needs and wants, but some of it sounds in conflict with what you need for yourself in this moment. Dont react until your sure its follows your authentic feelings, and will cause you no harm emotionally.
I like the idea of helping your kids do something nice as a gesture, but your separating, been called a whole slew of curse words, asked to leave your home. I think buying her a nice card was appropriate for your show of emotions. Fathers day is in a month, wonder what you will get?
Like with the rubber-band. Its none of her business how you channel your thoughts or what tool your using. If she sits in the session with a scowl on her face you have to accept it right? You do what you need to do to keep the feelings from escalating within yourself and view it as a positive accomplishment for you ! There are other methods but what you do is YOUR CHOICE.
Thank you.
Yes, I found a new apartment. Two bedrooms, nice area, has playgrounds on site, nice pool, jacuzzi!
I'm very pleased with it. I'll be taking Memorial Day weekend to scour the local consignment center and Big Lots for inexpensive furniture. I may take a few things from the house. I've claimed the blender.
I think I'm in the process of making it increasingly clear to my wife (as I did near the end of last therapy session) that I expect and want nothing else from her right now other than that we communicate and cooperate well over the care of our children, and to leave it at that. Friendly, cordial, nothing more - at least for the next couple months. If that helps things calm down between us enough, maybe we can revisit this idea of hers that we should try and have "pleasant interactions." Or maybe not. Who knows.
So, if she gets me just a card on Father's Day - that's OK. I'd almost prefer that she didn't mark the occasion herself, strangely enough. Honestly, it's hard finding myself wanting anything from my wife right now.... at least, right this moment. I'm sure that feeling will change.
Bluechair, my social worker friend says the same thing you do about the rubber band thing. I find it helpful right now - I'm loathe to give it up just because I'm trying to take care of how my wife is feeling, don't snap the rubber band around her because it makes her mad? That seems.... codependent somehow.....
We're both recovering addicts / alcoholics, we're both codependents, we're both a mess. I appreciate the words of inclusion I'm hearing. I also appreciate the other stuff too. Yes, even the really critical stuff - I'm getting something out of that too.
-DrS