I've been making phone calls again, getting support, finding out what and how to go about handing my husband over to others to deal with.
Step 1. I admit that I am powerless over alcohol—that my life has become unmanageable.
Time and again, going to his doctor for adjusting and/or getting back on his supplements has kick started his sobriety. He is currently refusing this as a matter of pride. Or in other words, his addiction has hold and is fighting against any help of any kind. It will lie to him and me at every opportunity possible. He says he's been taking his supplements, but for the most part he completely stopped about a week ago.
I have my first individual therapy session tomorrow. Any advice on how to get the most out of it? I realize it's only one session, but I want to focus my thoughts. Already writing a few things out. I'm still scattered on that. The notes are details, which I should maybe get away from with working on my own healing.
I have a doctor's appt for myself on Monday. If he'd like to take it and start working towards recovery, I'm okay with going another round. Patience, acceptance of what is. This last time he was going to AA meetings, which was more than he had done before. That alone isn't going to do it, but it's a start and I'll acknowledge that if he chooses to do it again.
I'm also no longer in the dark. What he really doesn't want but needs the most is another rehab. He talked to them several weeks ago, or maybe it's already over a month ago.... This week he's completely taken that off the table. I talked to them today and am feeling better about this. About turning this over to them, either with or without getting his boss and manager involved.
No matter what, I need to turn this over to others again. I need to step away from it. That doesn't mean stepping away from him, but being there in that other role of wife, not one of counselor or resident nag.
Our oldest son's college graduation is this Saturday. We'll be there for the weekend. Not like I haven't done this before, but having had a sober period has re-adjusted my viewpoint. Hitting the Alanon books hard. Awareness. Acceptance. Action. I fully accept him as he is today, here and now. What other people think is not my business. He is not a reflection of myself. What will be, will be, no matter what I do, so I may as well take care of me and enjoy the weekend.
