breakups and progress.
I just wanted to update and say that it has been two months since I have seen my now ex abf and I am doing good. Not great, as I do have those low days but I am experiencing happy days now, OFTEN, which is new to me after nearly 4 years of misery.
I got to a point where I realized the times where I missed him were 20% of the time, versus 80% where I am happy and creating things for my future. When I was with him, it was 80% of the time in anxiety and fear and 20% of the time things were going well.
He called me two weeks ago to confirm we are through, and I was loving and said I can't watch him do this to himself anymore... and my only advice to him was to ask for God's help. He was my soulmate. I miss him terribly and sometimes worry about him being dead. I am scared. It is hard. But I am also hopeful and praying for strength that seems to be trickling in. :-) Working a recovery program and allowing myself to feel pain, loss, and fear. All normal. 1 day at a time. Just as scary as it is to experience those emotions, I am also realizing there is an upside to letting go of that person and that I can pray and love him from a distance, because right now he is too toxic to have in my life. I am pushing through it trying to focus on the future and what I want to come into my life.