Thanks, Haennie, for your insightful post.
Very exact definition you gave - constant dance on the edge between insightful/useful and madness. There's fine line for me there.
Bimini - "Anyone who voices that there is something wrong about me, I validate. Anyone who voices good things, I don't even hear them apparently. I don't remember them at least." - I could right this.
Everyday I am looking for a prove that I am "good enough", and there's never evidence enough. Everyday I start from the scratch. I know that the only person who can give me this "approval" is myself.
More hugs to you)