Like i have said many times before i had to know why i could not stop, how was i an alcoholic, how can i control it or stop, how do i do that, is there any evidence that quitting will ever work for me and many other questions besides.
One day i got fed up with banging my head against a brick wall and got the courage to walk into am AA meeting and actually listen. You can do the same when you have had enough:-)
Ps don't expect all those questions to be answered at the first meeting, you may have to go to a few!